As children explore the world, they often experience anger and frustration. They are naturally curious and will sometimes "test" a rule by breaking it. Adults can help them feel safe and learn self-control by responding in a supportive and consistent way. Discipline is an opportunity to teach, to encourage, and to help children think for themselves and feel good about themselves.

• Redirect Behavior. Substitute a positive behavior for one that's a problem: if a child is drawing on the walls, give them some paper; if a child is throwing sand, hand them a ball to throw.
• Take Away Privileges. Match the discipline to the action: limit TV watching when children fight over the TV. Take away the privilege for a short period: if it lasts too long the lesson is lost because children become resentful and forget what they did wrong.
• Use a "Time Out." Use a "time out" to respond to dangerous and harmful behaviors such as biting, hitting, and purposeful destruction. Have the child sit in a boring place. Explain what s/he did wrong and describe the proper behavior. Keep the "time out" to one minute for every year of age (try using a timer). Acknowledge correct behavior as soon as it is displayed.
• Model Correct Behavior. Children are very observant and tend to follow your actions more often than your words. Take the time to show them the "right way" to do something.
• Ignore Behavior When Possible. Children often try to get attention by acting badly. If their behavior will not harm them - such as whining or tantrums - ignore it.
• Show a Different Point of View. Explain how a child's actions affect others and help them see their behavior from another's point of view: "How would you feel if your sister hit you?"
• Say "No" with Love. Emphasize that it is the behavior you do not like - you still love the child.
• Use Logical Consequences. Let the consequences make the point: if a toy is misused, take away use of that toy for a period of time; if curfew is missed, the youth loses the same amount of time from the next outing. Involve the child in identifying what will help him or her learn not to make the same mistake again.
• Allow Expression of Negative Feelings. Emotions are a normal part of life. Let your child know that it is okay to have - and express - negative feelings in appropriate ways. Acknowledge their emotions: "I know you are frustrated, but I can't let you go to the party when you are sick."
• Be Creative. Try creative solutions that stop behavior problems before they start. If clothes and toys are left lying about, have baskets and low hooks for easier clean-up; if chores are forgotten, post a chart with everyone's responsibilities.
• When You Say "No," Mean It. When caregivers say "no" but mean, "Well, maybe" or give in to pleading, whining, and tantrums, kids begin to doubt their word. Be consistent: when you say "no," stick to it.
• Give the Reason for the Rule. Explain why the rule exists: "If you run with scissors you could fall and hurt yourself."

Adapted from "I Am A Parents Anonymous Parent" booklet

Spend some of your extra time mentoring a child in need. A mentor is a caring adult who makes an active, positive contribution to the life of a child who is not his or her own. A mentor is a guide, a friend, a listener, a coach - someone who cares. A mentor is not a savior or a therapist. Mentors provide support and encouragement to children who often have few other caring adults in their lives, bringing out their strengths and helping them work towards a successful future.

Mentoring has an enormous positive impact on a child. Children who have mentors improve their grades, increase their school attendance, raise their goals, and are less likely to abuse drugs. And mentors themselves receive wonderful benefits - watching the improvements in their kids, seeing that big smile or hearing that simple "thank you."

To identify how you can be a mentor, ask yourself:

• What type of activities would I like to do with a child - tutor? teach a new skill? go on an outing?
• What age of child do I want to work with?
• Do I want to work one-on-one with a child or with a group of children?
• How much time can I spend with a child - an hour once a week? ten hours throughout a month?
• What length of commitment am I looking for?

For more general information about mentoring, check out www.mentoring.org.

Mentoring Opportunities with Morrison Kids

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